Are Your Thoughts Helping or Hurting Your Leadership? How to Get Honest With Yourself

Oct 24, 2025

Feeling stuck in unhelpful thought loops about your leadership? In this post, we explore how Rooted and Rising Leaders™ balance self-compassion with honest self-reflection - plus a powerful exercise to boost self-awareness and invite objective feedback.

Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves as Leaders?

Most of us, especially in leadership roles, are our own toughest critics. We set high expectations, put immense pressure on ourselves, and end the day wondering if we’ve done enough - or been “good enough.”

And sure, I could simply tell you to be kinder and more compassionate with yourself (and I am). But if those self-critical thoughts are happening more often than not, it’s time to look beneath the surface. What’s actually driving those thoughts? What are they protecting you from - or pushing you toward?

It’s easy to jump on the “be gentle with yourself” train, especially with the well-meaning messaging we see everywhere. And yes, compassion is absolutely vital to mental and emotional well-being. But as leaders, we also have a responsibility to get honest with ourselves. To look at the evidence - or lack thereof - for those nagging thoughts that keep us stuck, stressed, or spiraling.

Because sometimes, self-compassion can be a mask for avoidance.

What Does It Really Mean to Lead Yourself First?

Being a Rooted and Rising Leader™ means being a self-leader first and foremost.

Why?

Because how you lead yourself sets the tone for how others show up. What you permit in yourself, you silently permit (or promote) in your team - whether you realize it or not.

Self-leadership doesn’t mean constant positivity or perfection. It means being both realistic and compassionate about your strengths, your missteps, your actions (and inactions), and your energy. It means zooming out to see the bigger picture - even when your inner critic wants to stay small.

But here's the thing: objective self-reflection is tough. That’s why it’s powerful to invite external perspectives - to help you spot blind spots and see your leadership more clearly.

How Can Feedback From Others Impact Seeing Yourself More Clearly?

The other day, I facilitated a session with a leader and her team. I asked each person to write down the strengths they bring to the team on a sticky note.

Simple, right?

Many struggled to think of more than three. Some didn't think of any.

That’s because when we haven’t prioritized developing our self-awareness, we tend to carry a very limited view of our strengths, skills, and growth areas (what I call “Growth Gaps” at 3DLife®).

So, I flipped the exercise. I invited the team to add strengths they saw in each other - out loud. The impact was powerful. Emotional, even.

One team member said, “But we already know this about each other - it’s not surprising.”

I nodded. “Right,” I said, “but how often do we actually say it out loud? And how does it feel to hear it from your team, instead of assuming it’s known?”

The room was silent. Heads nodded. That’s when the insight landed.

Are You Ready to Lean into Objective Self-Reflection?

It’s time to get real with yourself. Not to shame, blame, or spiral - but to interrupt the thought loops and raise the bar for what effective leadership looks like for you and your team.

So ask yourself:

What beliefs or thoughts do I regularly get stuck in about myself or my leadership?
What’s been keeping me up at night?

Examples might include:

“I didn’t get everything done today. I need to manage my time better.”

“I’m procrastinating again. I need to step up.”

“Was that conversation OK? Could I have done better?”

“Am I failing at this leadership thing?”

“If they only knew how afraid I am to…”

These thoughts can become mental quicksand. But they don’t have to be.

How Can You Ask for Feedback That’s Honest and Helpful?

If you’re ready to deepen your leadership with a more objective lens, outside perspectives and feedback are your friend - even if feels uncomfortable.

Start by identifying 2-3 trusted people and ask:

“Would you be open to sharing a bit of feedback about my leadership?”

If they say yes, give them a few days to think about it. Let them respond with depth, not just off-the-cuff impressions.

Here’s a simple structure they can use - the OIR Feedback Framework:

O – Observation: What they’ve seen or experienced

I – Impact: How it affected them, others, or outcomes

R – Result: What changed or what they’d suggest for growth

Example:

O: I’ve noticed in team meetings, you often jump in quickly with solutions.

I: That can sometimes shut down the team’s brainstorming too early.

R: I think if you paused a bit longer, it might invite more ideas and engagement.

See how clear and supportive that is?

Can You Be Honest and Compassionate With Yourself at the Same Time?

Empathy and self-compassion are essential to leadership - but not as a way to avoid self-reflection or taking accountability. Sometimes, you need a moment of raw honesty with yourself. A moment of quiet courage to look in the mirror and say:

“What’s really going on here?”

That’s the work. That’s the starting point.

Becoming a Rooted and Rising Leader™ is simple - but not easy.

And it always, always starts with you.

Until next time,

P.S. Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this, make sure you're also part of the 3DLife® Rooted Leadership™: From Insight to Impact (bi-weekly) newsletter.